clean retina


In lower body on October 17, 2013 at 8:15pm10
1. What items would you choose as accoutrements?
A Madewell shirt, a Smythson cardholder, a pair of Altzurra boots and a butterfly net. Go on. Do something totally unexpected of this ensemble.

The 96-year-old woman able to look back on her life and pinpoint her most cherished moment.

4jbt9d5mje1thvntrn81n1uji0Old Lady on Rocking Chair  2

3. What would be the moment?

After seeing her kids off to school and her husband off to work, she turned, walked back inside the house, poured herself a hot cup of coffee, sat down at the kitchen table and enjoyed her creation in unadulterated silence, without one, single thought passing through her mind.


4. Do you have a favorite cover?



5. Can you tell us something interesting about the person wearing you?

She just opened a medicinal marijuana shop and word on the street says there’s a backroom where you can score the secret ish.


6. I thought the whole point to legalization was taking the secret part out of it?

True and those who knew about the secret room were on the edge of their seat, wondering what awaited them as they were led down the long, dark, musty corridor. Could it be Oxys? Bath salts possibly?! Finally, they made it to the large red, baize door and when it opened, they come face to face with a room littered with glass cases, each occupied by a different variety of… Wait for it… Cupcakes!


7. Huh?

Two words: inverse marketing! And now my girl gets to put her double major — marketing and sociology — to good use! Her parents never ever saw this one coming. Don’t you see?! The system was gummed up! For her to open up yet another cupcake shop on the tawny, cherry blossom-lined street her mom was suggesting — and insisting on helping pay for — would be silly. She’d be down and bog-standard before she was out of the gate! Every other storefront was being taken over by someone just like her: a twee millennial who thought they had the best take on a pâtisserie, or a sock store or a cheese shop. For this particular enterprise, those fiending for weed was gravy and quite possibly the best idea my girl ever had! They would enter hungry or at least wanting to purchase the one thing on this planet that’s guaranteed to increase hunger! And primo cupcakes being sold in the secret backroom of a medicinal joint, located in a less than desirable neighborhood has all the trappings of a hipster’s Valhalla so she could for sure count that clientele in. Sure, some patrons would be disappointed when they realized their visions of next level, illegal substances wouldn’t be realized, but soon the whimsy of the colorful room filled with buttercream goodness would consume them and soon enough my girl’s ingenious idea would catch on. And can you believe not one person let it be known what was waiting on the other side of the baize door? Vets wanted neophytes to have the full experience. Why, people even started to kick the habit which turned my girl’s motivation completely on its ear. Don’t you see?! She did what Nancy Reagen and Punky Brewster never could! However, in Nancy and Punky’s defense, my girl didn’t have the CIA completely upending her plan by planting black rock on the streets. Nancy and Punky’s “Just say ‘NO!'” vs. the CIA’s “Um… here ya go. But you didn’t get it from us and if you say you did– Actually, no one’ll believe you, so say whatever you want. We’ll keep winning because we’ll keep winning.” In any case, my girl’s patrons picked up the habit of being addicted to cupcakes but hey, a few extra pounds is better than a perpetual high any day!


8. Um… And this thing really worked?

Yes! So much so that in the end, my girl would eradicate drug use thus bringing this “war” to a screeching halt all on her own. And I put war in quotes because, let’s be honest, there is no war. To have a war you must have opposing factions. All this war has are sellers and consumers and no matter how you slice it, those two things running alongside each other will always equal capitalism. We as a society build crafts that can travel to other planets — the ultimate in escapism — yet we can’t get a handle on how we stop this problem plaguing our society, our neighborhoods, our people?! But that’s okay. My girl will not be stifled, rather, she will push forward even if it’s a solitary fight. The road will be arduous and littered with those doing just enough to make it appear as though headway is being made but she will not tarry because carry on she must!

9. Man, do you think Mr. Vaccarello knows Serpico is donning his creation?

That’s right. Make jokes. I get it. If you don’t take it seriously then how can it possibly be a problem? But that’s okay. I will be there to fight the good fight. When everyone is busy making light, I will be there.




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