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Archive for June, 2013|Monthly archive page

MIU MIU FLORAL APPLIQUÉ BIKINI

In bits on June 11, 2013 at 8:15pm06

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1. If you could style yourself what accoutrements would you invite along?

A limited edition Cohiba, the Brooks Bros. sock garter, the Barneys New York, mid-calf sock and a pair of Church’s, lace-up brogues.

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2. Do you have a message for child stars everywhere? 

Attempting a variation of Anthony Fremont in your daily life does not make for a good look.

3. Is there a specific child star that might be skating pretty close to the A.F. emulation line?

If I told you I’m extremely afraid to answer that question would I both loudly and clearly answer that question?

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4. Got it. Is there a love note you’d like to send out to the most loved and lauded person wearing you?

Boy, is there! And he’s gonna love it!

5. Uum… “he”? Not that I have a problem with that but… It’s just interesting is all.

Okay, listen. Now, I know in your world some might have a major problem with men wearing garments specifically crafted for women but–

6. I’d like to be very clear. We are all created equally, each one of us equipped with our own, personal ways of navigating through this life. If a gentleman feels the need to wear a triangle, appliqué bikini then who am I to judge? I want to be clear, okay?

Calm down, sweetheart. No one’s accusing you of anything. Anyway, that discrimination doesn’t exist amongst us. We’re just happy being loved, adored, worn… and it doesn’t matter who does it. My man treats me unimaginably well. Purchased the Cadillac of steamers to tend to me, keeps a humidifier on at all times in the closet. Tells the wife it’s for her plethora of kaftans and one-piece, skirt suits but that’s far from the case. It’s all just for me.

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7. Does any part of you ever wish Iris —  rocket body, the one to peruse you moments before your guy plucked you from the table, going to the Maldives with her boyfriend in December — was the person to take you home? 

Ha! Absolutely not. The Dow? That S&P? Neither is a game. It’s grueling work for my guy. The joy I feel knowing I can be there to take the edge off at the end of the day… God only knows the spouse can’t. He’s out breakin’ rocks six days week while she attempts to spend every solitary nickel he earns. And he earns a lot of nickels, okay? My guy makes Lear nickels — jet or king… It’s your choice. How she can look herself in the mirror is beyond me, but whatever. Thank god I came along or else he would’ve definitely lost his mind long, long ago.

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8. Totally, but he doesn’t want to maybe take a very fit mistress and put her in you?

Um, no and that’s because he’s not a walking cliché, “Ooooo… look at me. I’m squat, have plugs and make an S-ton of money. Time to go out and find something gorgeous and a foot taller to make me feel more virile.” My man looks inner for strength. Know this.

9. What is a dream you’re working on realizing?

On my man, accompanied by…

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and…

BALENCIAGA CONTRAST-LINING DRESS

In all over on June 9, 2013 at 8:15am06

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1. If you could style yourself what would you choose as the accoutrements?

Norma Kamali glasses, an Urban Outfitters, septum ring, Forever 21 ankle socks and a pair of Chloé loafers

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609189602. Are you more Whit or more Woody?

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Whit, without a doubt.  His cadence gets me. Not, not that Woody’s doesn’t. Who am I kidding? It doesn’t. Whit gets me.

 3. Got it. If you could return as any person or thing, what would it be?

The Grasshopper. I mean…

4. What is a dream you’re working on realizing?

Having Dr. Sylvester James Gates be the first to ride the Grasshopper into the cosmos.

5. Overrated is?

The Volstead Act.

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6. Are you not aware the Volstead Act was repealed by the 21st Amendment?

Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh… I’m French. It’s my job to keep up with your wacky laws?

7. But you’re the one who brought it up. Wait. I’m confused. Aren’t you the one who brought it up?

*sigh* What?

8. The Volstead Act. Here, let me just refer to my notes… There! Yes, right here. See that? You said it was overrated.  I just tossed out a general question and that was your answer. Remember?

Mon dieu… It’s a wonder you’re still single.

9. Do you really mean that?!

*sigh* God, help me.

 

 

 

BOY BY BAND OF OUTSIDERS CROPPED-SLEEVE SHIRT

In upper body on June 6, 2013 at 8:15pm06

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1-9. Who do you admire most?

Those who weren’t afraid to speak up and out.

 

PRABAL GURUNG BROCADE JACKET

In upper body on June 4, 2013 at 8:15pm06

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1. Can you give me 4 items that go along with your overall motif?

The Prabal Gurung, floral print trousers, the Casadei for Prabal Gurung wedge, a pair of Linda Farrow x Prabal Gurung shades and a Prabal Gurung clutch for Target. As you can see, I’m addicted to family. Can’t make a move without them.

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2. What is a dream you’re working on realizing?

Rick Ross and Drake in a contemporary retelling of “Good Night, Nurse.”

What was…

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Will become…

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Basically, this…

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Uh huh…

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3. If you could ask me one question what would it be?

Is your society racing headlong down a road to a place where awards outnumber the acts deserving of them? I mean, not for nothin’, but you guys really like presenting each other with gold-plated stuff. Really, what’s driving this desire, this need? And are you slowly creeping into Pavlov’s dog territory?

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4. Meaning?

Meaning? Hmmm… Meaning, meaning, meaning… Is it less about the actual good deed done and more about the accolades you know you’re sure to receive?

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5. Why are clothing and accessories always so serious when it comes to this question?

I cannot speak for anything else, only for myself, the Prabal Gurung, brocade jacket. Thank you.

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6. If you were to pen an autobiography what would be the title?

“The Paradoxum of a Philistine.” It has the ability to moonlight as the next album title for Yeezy as well.

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7. Pardon the redundancy but, meaning?

No clue but it really does give off the stench of importance and pretension, am I right? It will be discovered as a short story in The Paris Review or  Shenandoah by a 60-year-old, lummox of a literary agent about to call it a day on his fledging business — he’s the only employee and that’s still too much overhead. It will be decades since he managed to get published something worth exulting over thus making this business an albatross on his back. That is until he sees my words gleaming from the page. He will be the one to suggest the venture from the original title, “Ugghh,” to the current. “It’s more pretentious,” the lummox will say. “And that’s just what the publishers want these days! I guess that’s what they’ve always wanted. It’s just taken me this long to figure it out. I didn’t ask for much. Just to publish pieces of work I thought to be special but the forces saw to it I never–” At this point, I will politely cut him off for this will be my moment. I’m arrogant and self-centered and not afraid to admit it.

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8. What is one word all those appearing on the “Kiss Cam” at various sporting events should strictly adhere to?

Peck.

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9. Is there anything you find vexing at the moment?

Why isn’t Parker Posey owning the moving picture industry? Who dropped the ball? I want names!