clean retina


In upper body on January 11, 2012 at 8:15pm01

1. If given the task of styling yourself, what would you choose as the accoutrements?

An Alexander McQueen paisley skull bandana scarf, Givenchy leather leggings, Proenza Schouler wedge ankle boot and pair of Chloe Sevigny x Opening Ceremony sunglasses.

2. What is your most recent interesting thought?

Did André Cymone go on to compose the “X-Files” theme song under a pseudonym?


3. If you could be worn by anyone whom would it be?

Of “Two Fat Ladies” fame, Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright.

4. Do you have a favorite error of redundancy?

Mass exodus.

5. There are only 30 of you in existence and a queue 400-deep is lined up outside, waiting for the doors to open in hopes of walking away with one of you. What is the proper song to start up on the Ipod shuffle just as the doors open and the hungry mass goes absolutely insane with elbows to the face and knees to the gut?

Obviously, Frank Stallone’s “Far From Over.” Remember this, both aggressive electric guitar and raucous keyboard solos give you wings. And if you really want people to fall back, stop and enlist a ravenous interpretation of the dance moves found between 0:02 and 0:16. Uh 5, 6, 7, 8!

6. What does one of the women do after she manages to walk away with one of you?

She sits alone in her studio apartment of Lilliputian proportions, staring at me hanging on the back of a chair, her left eyebrow split, patch of hair gone the way of the dodo, veneer cracked, right eye swollen shut with the surrounding area a marble of coagulated blood and a cold compress against a busted lip. It’s true my being here will lead to ramen consumption for the next 4 months straight and there might be a fractured rib and some internal bleeding happening but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m here. A smile slowly creeps onto her face, “Victory!” The smile soon disappears due to the searing pain caused when a split lip meets stretching skin. Not to worry, she takes to smiling on the inside.

7. Some scholars are claiming Courtney Stodden is the new super sexy, super sensual Jesse Jackson. Can you give us a sample of something that could come out of either mouth?

The admiration of his abdication further strengthened the acclimation of the accusation that he just might be the adaptation of their allegorical adoration thus nullifying the activation of my altercation.

One minor addendum: if you really want to sell this as a super sensual, sociopolitically minded Courtney Stodden tweet you must place the words “lollipop” and “oozing” in there somewhere while displaying a severe back arch.

8.  If you were on the Twitter, what Kierkagaard quote would you send out into the world to give your timeline the allure of how randomly deep you are?

“I begin with the principle that all men are bores. Surely no one will prove himself so great a bore as to contradict me in this.”

9. Eesh… That quote would actually make me very depressed if I were on your timeline. Would you like to try again?

Nope and that’s because Kierkagaard speaks the truth.

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