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Archive for September, 2011|Monthly archive page


In feet on September 12, 2011 at 8:15pm09

1. What is something you oft wish for?

To be as inspirational as Arnold Bocklin’s “Isle of the Dead.”

2. If you could style yourself what would be the accoutrements?

A Burberry suit, a Lanvin shirt, an Alexander McQueen shawl-collar cardigan and a pair of Alexander Wang ‘Fabianas’ for her.


3. What is a question you have yet to have answered?

Whose face appears on Jesus’ toast? Please, God — I mean that literally and not in vain — tell me it’s Ernest Borgnine’s.


4. If you could choose to be worn by anyone who would it be?

Pride wouldn’t even begin to describe my feelings if I was to be donned by Representatives Steve Simon or John Kreisel.

5. Do you know any riddles?

I know a kind of riddle. How did the woman give birth to children who partially belonged to a sister she never knew she had?

6. I’m stumped. How?

I’m gonna have to back track a bit. Okay *deep breath*… the woman was in need of a kidney transplant. When her sons were tested, it was discovered that both, although they shared their father’s, did not share her DNA. She thought this odd for she remembered each one growing inside of her and emerging, give or take, 40 weeks later. After further tests, pokes, prods, intense questioning of stealing someone else’s embryos, pokes and more tests, it was discovered that she was a chimera.  Basically, while gestating inside of her mother, fifty some-odd years before, her embryo merged with her twin’s. The sisters would go on to inhabit the same body, however, with different genetic codes, each would claim certain areas. The sister, the woman never knew she had, claimed the blood.

7. What is something you currently find puzzling?

Who is the yellow creature on Charley Pride’s sweater yelling at and why does Charley Pride look like he couldn’t care less?

8. Who is Charley Pride?

Listen and learn, kid.

9. If you could choose any film to appear in what would it be?

“Carnal Knowledge” on Jonathan during the fight with Bobbie. Pure. Gold.


In feet on September 1, 2011 at 8:15pm09

 1. What is your favorite malapropism?

Hmm, let me think… I don’t know. What’s your favorite malapropism?

2. If you could style yourself what would you choose as the accoutrements?

  Whatever you think works. You seem to have a very keen eye. I trust you.

3. If you could be worn by anyone who would it be?

  You’re the expert. Who do you think I should be worn by?

4. What is a dream you’re working on realizing?

  That’s so funny! It just so happens to be the same dream you’re working on realizing! *whispers* What is it?!

5. If not you then what?

  I’ll totally defer to you.

6. You’ve reached the end, what is the final meal?

  My palette’s been pretty finicky lately so again, your choice?

7. Do you always exhibit such abject deference?

  *boisterous laughter morphs into guttural sobs*

8. Wait. I didn’t mean anything by it. Why’re you crying?

  *sobbing* I just want you to be satisfied is all. I mean, aren’t I enough? I feel like I’ve done everything I can do to conform to what you want me to be but even that doesn’t seem to suffice. So, I’m needy! Sue me! It could be that I had dreams of my own, ya know! That I’ve given who I am, my own personal wants and needs, over to what you think I should be. God… I’m so pathetic. Say it! Just say it! I know it’s what you’re thinking. Sitting there watching this blithering mess of canvas and polyurethane who seems to have made a career out of eschewing its self-respect. *sigh* Maybe they were right. Maybe those who wait for life to happen to them are the unlucky ones.

9. Oh boy… Look, I’m in no way wanting to add to what appears to be some very deep-rooted, unresolved issues of self-worth. So, starting now, a new leaf, okay? And I’m going to help turn it over, okay? Here goes. New Balance US574, will you find the courage to turn your back on the next person who comes to you asking that you conform to what they want?!

  *a moment to ruminate* Would that make you happy?