1. Who or what do you remind people of?
A magician’s assistant who has met with foul play one too many times during the ol’ saw-a-person-in-half trick.
2. If you could choose to be reimagined by another artist whom would it be?
3. If you could style yourself what would be the accoutrements?
A vintage Versace Jeans dress, a Kenneth Jay Lane ring, a Satomi Kawakita ring and Prada shades.
4. What is something a person should always leave home without?
An inflated ego.
5. What is the woman currently wearing you looking for in a man?
The woman whose possession I happen to be in doesn’t wear me and further to your point, she’s content with being alone.
6. Who is the most interesting person you’ve ever been worn by?
A black widow and I’m not referring to the spider, rather, the lady of a certain age who terminates the lives of rich husbands.
7. Do you know how many rich husbands have been terminated?
In alphabetical order:
#1 Courtney Boufner. No clue where his money came from. She didn’t ask nor did she care.
#2 Shep Dreary. Manufacturer of condiment packets — mustard, relish and ketchup to name a few. I was quite fond of ol’ Shep. He had custom-made, just for me, solid gold shoehorns.
#3 Alan Kaulson. A larger-than-life bon vivant, dandy of sorts. Al took over his father’s mining business. Of course, he promptly ran it into the ground but not before siphoning off 34.6 million bucks into an offshore account. And by offshore, I’m referring to Antigua.
8. Was the black widow ever captured and convicted of the crimes?
Yes. To tell you the truth, I was relieved. Even though she knew how to wear the hell out of me and possessed a strut given to her by the gods, I was relieved.
9. What happened to you post capture and conviction?
I was shipped off to her estranged, librarian, spinster sister in Duluth. The two hadn’t seen or spoken to one another in over 25 years. And even though the librarian, spinster sister from Duluth made the hard decision post arrest to never see or speak to the black widow for the rest of her days, she will periodically slip me on in order to trigger back to their days as army brats in Kaiserslautern. Back to the days of weekend trips into Berlin for Truffaut and Godard retrospectives. Back to the days of sitting atop a hill overlooking the Black Forest, dreaming of the moment they’re old enough to leave home and travel the world together. Back to that day in Munich, standing amongst the crowds in Olympiapark, clasping hands while nervously waiting for news on the fates of the 11 Israeli athletes at the hands of Black September — an event the librarian silently swears is what did away with her sister’s faith in humanity and set in motion her decent into evil. Back to the days when black widows were only spiders.