clean retina


In stuff on September 19, 2014 at 8:15pm09



1. Hiya! So, my cousin, the one usually asking the questions? Well, she’s otherwise indisposed in another country and so I’ve been tapped to sit down with you. Don’t worry, not only am I a journalism major but I’ve done this before. I’m pretty sure it was something pinstriped, a sweater maybe? Anywho, let’s get started, shall we? If you could accouter yourself, what items would you choose?

Well… Hmm… Well… Okay, time out for second? I actually talked to a friend which was actually the Fausto Puglisi, tartan, bomber jacket that you interviewed — not a sweater at all and definitely not pinstriped. Anyway, I was told that no matter what I do I shouldn’t do a sit down if you’re the one asking the questions. The instructions were tonally emphatic. I mean, I don’t know you and I hate to judge based on another’s assessment but I’m kind of going through some things and being sent over the edge is quite possibly the last thing I need. I’m so sorry.

Are we still on the time out?


Okay. Well, that was then and I was going through some things too but this is now and I’m fine. You of all things should be a little more understanding but hey, we can’t all come into existence with a kind soul.

Well, I guess a few innocent questions can’t hurt. Maybe it’ll get my mind off of everything? 

1. That’s the spirit! Now, as I was asking, what accoutrements would you choose to complete your look?

A 10 Crosby sweater, a Boutique, satin shirt, a pair of Current/Elliott jeans and the Emilio Pucci ankle boot.

derek lam

current and elliotimg-thing-1

2. Beautiful! Great taste! If you could exist during any time period besides now, what would it be?

The late nineties, the period of the baguette, little compact numbers that snuggled up on the shoulder. Fendi had the vice grip on that particular trend. Dior was there to represent as well. And I think Gucci? Also, let us not forget Canal street if you know what I’m sayin’. I’d wink but… Anyway, remember? The nineties baguette?


 3. I was just a wee one but I’ll take your word for it. If you could be carried by anyone, whom would it be?

I’m going to catch hell for this but I’m a fan of the hands-free woman. Something about a woman who, at most, needs only a delicate credit card/ID holder out in the world for hours on end I simply find sexy


4. Interesting. Do you think that’s why you like her so much, because she doesn’t need you, frankly, doesn’t even want you?

Gosh… I never really thought about it like that but I guess, yeah, maybe that’s why. But what does that mean? That has to be bad, right, to want the person who doesn’t even know you’re there?


5. Well, it can’t be good. Mainly because ultimately you should want to be held by someone who wants to hold you. If not, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of chasing a carrot you’ll never be able to tame. And what if one day she gets her hands on you — let’s say, you’re given to her as a gift. An exquisite gift, obviously — who’s to say you won’t sit in the closet day in day out, hoping, waiting for a day that’ll never come? Believe me, that’ll get old very fast. The glossy sheen of the unattainable is the most worthless one there is. Have you ever thought of yourself as a masochist?

What are those?


6. Basically, you get off on being treated horribly. Have you ever felt that sensation?

No. Hell no. That would make me crazy and pathetic.


7. There’s no need to be so harsh. Let me rephrase. Do you sometimes feel unworthy?

If I’m being completely honest, yes. I know it makes no sense since I’m an “It” bag, well covered in the coveted department, everyone wants me, to have me hanging from your arm, in some circles, makes you appear better than the rest. Maybe that’s just it; what you see on the outside isn’t at all what’s happening on the inside. It’s not who I am at my core. Oh god, I feel like such a fraud. These poor women are out there thinking they’re carrying around something robust and commanding and in charge but in the end it’s simply lost.


8. Okay, this is going in the opposite direction of what I’d hoped and so let’s switch course altogether. What is something you like about yourself?

Hmmm… Let me think… Well, I’ve got layers. Yeah, I’ve got things to say, deep thoughts, opinions even. Like, why don’t men carry purses? There you go. It makes no sense. You’ve slapped a gender gap on the ability to transport items to and fro. Call me crazy and no shade, of course, but I highly doubt the nineties, Fendi baguette is having such thoughts. Dior discussing gender gaps? I think not! The differences between the sexes are being debated on Canal street, the valley of bootleg dreams? Yeah, right! God, I feel so alive! The Puglisi has no idea what it’s talking about!


9. See there?! You’ve got depth. You’re not just another depot for stuff. You’re much, much more than some staycation for wallets and scarves and leather, initial engraved notebooks and phones filled with pictures of you and him and a lock of his hair and state-of-the-art binoculars and night vision goggles and a key to his place that he has no idea you still have and a black bodysuit and a ski mask and a pair of tabi boots, the same ones actual ninjas wear, and a blueprint of his loft that shows all the hollow points behind the walls just in case you might need a place to hold up for a while and a container filled with peanuts and bees because apparently the new girl’s violently allergic to both and lastly, the jar of collected tears that if poured onto a flat surface would definitely spell out the Brenda Walsh classic, “WE WERE SO THERE!” See?! You’re so much more! How do you feel now?!






In bottom on September 15, 2014 at 8:15pm09



1. If you could choose your accoutrements, what would they be?

An H&M top, a vintage, gemstone watch, the Margiela, mosaic clutch and a pair of Rupert Sanders, low-top trainers.




2. If you could be worn by anyone, whom would it be?

Gabby Reece. I mean…


3. Can you say something that would annoy the average, hard-working person?

You have as many hours in the day as Elizabeth and Philip.


 Get it? They have regular jobs, kids and also spy for the Soviets. That last one your average, hard-working person doesn’t do.

4. What is a dream that will never be realized?

To have Eleanore Powell perform while wearing me.

5. Below are stills of Katharine Ross and Paula Prentiss from “The Stepford Wives.” What would today’s comment sections have to say about these particular sartorial choices made by mothers? 

!BvLHyVQBmk~$(KGrHqYOKnEEvyFrzGsKBMD,1tg9oQ~~_35 Screenshot2011-06-03at123048PM

My guess is people groaning on about the fact that these women aren’t twenty-one anymore and how mothers shouldn’t dress this way and what disgusting, sad excuses for human flesh they are and how they should just die, DIE, DIE! You know, your standard internet responses to benign situations. As you can see, it’s a real Kumbaya scene out there in anonymousville. And not for nothin’, but isn’t the whole scenario I just laid out a bit Stepfordian in nature? Clearly, current day opinions didn’t exist in the seventies and so what happened exactly to change minds on exposed midriff while donning very short shorts post a certain age and or entrance into motherhood? Now, don’t take this as a start-up to some rebel yell, telling all women to run down the street naked; hardly, it’s simply a musing. When did the reigns start to tighten is all I’d like to know. They seemed to loosen at some point then no more. Something happened but what exactly? Maybe a slow burn, silent revolution that has lead to a much more puritanical society, creating a chasm between sex and rectitude so whacking that to bare certain parts of your body is now deemed, and at times severely treated as a statement as opposed to something one simply wears. Were the opinions there all along, incubating, just waiting? Did the comment section simply become the host to latch onto? Or did a counter-counterculture move in and swipe brains at some point, doing away with all the strides made way back when? I’ve never really considered myself a conspiracy theorist but hey… That said, I really think I’m onto something.

6. You just might be. Next question. If you were to inspire a book, what would be the title?

“I Fell in Love with a Robber Baron and I Feel a Little Dirty Because of It”


7. After the book sales go through the roof and the publisher demands a follow-up, what would that title be?

“I Dumped the Robber Baron Because He Turned Out to Be a Real Tyrannical Jerk and Now I’m Pissed but What Did I Expect for He’s a Robber Baron”

industrialrev proj pic2

8. And the third? There has to be a third. Please tell me there’s a third.

“Whoops! I Had a Drunken One-Night-Stand with the Robber Baron and Let’s Just Say I’m Pregnant and Now We’re Getting Married”


9. I’m on the edge of my seat. How does the series end?

“Me, My Baby and Half of the Robber Baron’s Net Worth with Every Cent Distributed Amongst Those Pulverized By the Economic Crash”



In all over on September 15, 2014 at 8:15am09


1. What items would you choose to accouter yourself with?

A pair of Barton Perreira Baez sunglasses, the Isabel Marant “Carla” dress, the Givenchy crisscross sandal and a vintage Hermes suitcase.





2. Is there a song that encapsulates your overall mood at the moment?

Sebastien Tellier’s “La Ballade Du Georges”

3. If you could be worn by anyone whom would it be?

John le Carré in MI6 mode. Wait, le Carré’s a nom de plume. I’m changing my answer. I would be worn by Mr. David John Moore Cornwell in MI6 mode. There.

le carre

4. If you could exist anywhere where would it be?

In a spy novel, of course.  If wearing me, said spy would be seen coming from a mile away but what of it? It’s the price you pay to be cloaked in luxury. Am I right?


5. Interesting. If you could return as any person or thing what would it be?

It would have to be Madonna. As an aside, Mr. Meisel really knows his way around  a camera.


6. I couldn’t agree more. Now, would you mind elaborating on why Madonna? Not that she’s not amazing; she’s a goddess amongst mere mortals. I’m simply curious.

Well, in keeping with the clandestine theme, I like how she came onto the scene. Ya know, as a baby placed in a basket and set adrift down the River Nile in an effort to evade Pharaoh who wanted her dead. I just find her whole thing not only interesting but harrowing and mysterious. Also, let us not forget the Commandments and that little thing she did with the Red Sea and by little I mean huge. When people say they miss the eighties I understand why.


7. Hmm… Might you be getting her confused with Moses?

Yikes. You might be right. I’m always getting my M’s mixed up. But in my defense, I’m a coat so… It’s hard keeping track of you all. Who did what and when and– Oh snap.


8. What happened?

I just now remembered I was out with a group of friends last night and I told them how Moses got his start at Danceteria.

Madonna photo, shot by Moshe Brakha in the 80's.
Charleston Heston_Ten Commandments_Moses

9. Wow. Well, would you like to go correct that? We’re pretty much done here.

I probably should. I would hate to be on his bad side considering he has the power to part things and this particular hand-painted trench would like to remain intact. Okay then, wish me luck and thanks for helping me clean up my mess.